Honouring authenticity: Celebrating LGBTQ+ lives at their farewell

When we gather to say goodbye to a loved one, we honour the story they wrote with their life. For LGBTQ+ individuals, whose lives may include both joy and struggle, funerals can and should be moments of genuine affirmation.

Personal stories

Every life is enriched by relationships, passions, and milestones. Invite family and friends to share anecdotes that highlight the unique spirit of the person you’re celebrating. Storytelling segments, led by a celebrant or close friend, allow space for laughter, tears, and everything in between.

Inclusive language & pronouns

For some people, respectful naming and pronoun use is important.  It tells mourners this person was seen, heard, and honoured for exactly who they were. The Ceremony script should refer to the deceased with their correct name and pronouns throughout.

Meaningful symbols & rituals

Rituals rooted in LGBTQ+ culture can add layers of meaning and pride. Consider a candle-lighting ceremony where each candle represents a quality the person embodied (e.g., courage, authenticity, love) or a letter-writing ritual where mourners write short notes of gratitude or memories, which are then burned, buried, or kept in a “Love Box” for family later.

Music & readings with resonance and meaning.

Tunes by openly queer artists can underscore identity and resilience. Readings from queer poets and writers—like Audre Lorde’s “Our Dead Behind Us” or James Baldwin’s “Sonny’s Blues”—speak directly to themes of community, love, and defiance.

Creating a safe, welcoming space

Funerals should feel like home for LGBTQ+ mourners who may have experienced rejection elsewhere. The celebrant’s introduction can open the remembrance by affirming that this is a space of unconditional love, acceptance, and dignity.  Whilst sometimes such arrangements are beyond the control of those organising funerals, where possible, ensure gender-neutral restrooms are available and seating arrangements respect chosen families.